Comments on: Marital Decision

By: Denise

Denise — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 21:05:22 +0000

I have run from more than one marriage, looking for something more, not wanting to settle. I
came to realize that being happy with your marriage is a decision. I can concentrate on the
gratitude I feel for all the positive qualities in my mate, or I can can pick them apart. I spent 9
years without a relationship raising my son to college age. I met a really special person, and
suddenly the fear of failure, the spector of “settling” came back, and I realized that was inside
me, and not coming from him.

Spend 30 days, each day focusing on everything about your marriage you are grateful for. Meditate
on what you want in a marriage, any marriage. Allow the universe to bring it to you. Don’t force a
solution. You will get your answer in time. Quiet your mind and listen, you may be surprised. Only you can define what you want. Focus on how it feels to have it, and it will come to you.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 01:21:04 +0000

Too bad only half the page of the responses are showing. They seemed to interesting.

By: Erol Fox

Erol Fox — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 02:30:05 +0000

So often we are pulled in all sorts of directions by our “feelings”. The problem is, feelings are transient, especially when they are coming from outside stimulus (like a man), as Deepak pointed out. They can be affected by food, drugs, or even the drug of “chemistry”. All of which wear off.

“Falling” in love is an accurate metaphor that suggests being out of control (falling). Our Western movies and culture suggests “falling” and being out of control as actually being in love. Love in a 90 minute film with no conscious thought. That’s not love!! That just the wonderful feeling of surrender, which may feel good for the first few seconds jumping off a cliff, but quickly fades as the ground of reality and real criteria approach. It’s the wonderful moment of being free from the intellect and all it’s chatter. Yes, we feel more free, but it’s freedom FROM intellect, not TOWARD a conscious choice.

How many people in Western culture seek the next feeling without having any other criteria for their decisions? It’s an endless cycle of several marraiges, several jobs, several jobs, several homes, even several kids, always in “the pursuit of happiness”.

Here’s a specific process:
1. be aware that whenever we are attracted to a person, and it feel like “home” (i.e. love, spirutal, soul mate, etc.) that home was my childhood home and I’m attracted to the potential to play out my home drama. Forgiveness of home and self frees the need to play the drama again and again. The romance that always ends in un-love.
2. get clear on exactly the list and order of criteria for choosing a significant other. Actually make a list and sort it so that you really can live by it. I used to have “sexy” as my top criteria. It’s obvious what happened.

I can so appreciate the pain of confusion and hope that my study of love can support your awakening.