Comments on: Breaking a Relationship Pattern

By: kme

kme — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 23:37:04 +0000

I have tried celibacy on a number of occasions. One was for 3 years, now I’m going on 6 months – to me it’s easy and I enjoy it very much. I’m only longing for the security and care of a relationship.

By: Kamini Jones

Kamini Jones — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 20:57:27 +0000

Love is not selfish, if you love a man who lies to another, both of you are being selfish unless of course his wife is an angel and understands. Yes you can love him if the element of honesty is there–if he is in an open relationship or you are in a culture where poligamy is acceptable to the three of you–I advice you to find someone who is physically available.

By: Maya

Maya — Sat, 28 May 2011 23:43:15 +0000

Try celibacy for a few years and you will know the answer. It will be your own answer – genuine and appropriate.

“The children crave sweets
the sage looks for self-discipline”
RUMI

By: Kme

Kme — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 13:02:04 +0000

Thank you for posting this, and thank you for all the comments. I realate to all this in so many levels. Though I have never dated a married person, I just ended my 3rd serious relationship with someone who is not in love with me. Well, i should say that I didnt end it, he did. And its been veeeeery difficult for me to accept. All seemed well when we first started dating, this time we even got as far as getting engaged and setting the date.. And then he lost his love for me. He loves me but he is not in love with me. And all this after so many years of spiritual work… My life has evolved so much since I started it, yet, this seems to be a part of my life In which I cant seem to find happiness. Be happy with yourself and embrace and enjoy being alone? Too many years of that already, no thank you. I also just turned 40, and since I can remember I wanted nothing more than to get married and raise a family. But for some reasonI have not been able to manifesty deepest desire, and I cant seem to figure out why. This post has given me some insight tjat there is obviously still more work I need to do. And all the while i want nothing more than for him to tell me that he realizes he made a mistake, he does love me, you get the point. I feel stuck, I feel sad. I dont know where to go from here. Journals are filled with work I’ve been doing. Bookshelves filled with advice. Visionboards, time spent contemplating, solitude surrounded by nature, there is nothing you can name that I haven’t been doing, no book I haven’t read. Do I not loveyself enough? I know thats not the case. Do I feel I dont deserve love? Dont think thats it either, but obviously I still have alot of work to do. I cant help the feeling of hopelesness these days. It keeps creeping up.

By: Irma

Irma — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 03:35:10 +0000

This is not a simple issue. Something in you doesn’t want to have it all. You want to have this empty space and suffering, hard way of getting love. I’m sure even if he divorces his wife and marries you, you are not going to love him same way you love him now. Actually you are in love with the condition, not with the person.

By: Trish Knox

Trish Knox — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 02:46:42 +0000

The most challenging aspect of having feelings for a man who is in another relationship is that when you are together in public he will totally ignore you. That does not feel good to one’s emotional body. I choose not to do this pattern…anymore. I choose transparency.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 21:04:27 +0000

I discussed a very similar experience with my meditation group last night. The example was of a monk who had a recurring pattern of erotic thoughts during his meditation practice. Eventually he decided to expand his awareness and see what else was present, and he discovered underlying feelings of loneliness. When he accepted the loneliness with compassion and love, just sitting with it as we do in mindfulness practice, the erotic thoughts gradually faded and the pattern was broken. This seems very similar to what Deepak has said. Perhaps you can expand your awareness and bring aspects of your mindfulness practice to your daily life to discover what is driving your relationships, and then accept whatever you find with compassion and understanding.

By: Nav

Nav — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 20:58:36 +0000

if they do it with you then theyll most likely do it to you. do you want to marry this guy and then worry about an affair? there 6 billion people on this earth. visualize being happy and single. then when you happy and single you can visualize a new partner

By: anonymus

anonymus — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 18:41:46 +0000

The question is not about if he is married or not, unless it is your moral issue. It is more about if you are happy in this relationship. If you blame it on that he is married then you are stuck because you knew this fact before becoming intimate with him. Some level of you was ok with that. If one knows the one they love is married they are aware of the confines their relationship exists within from the start it was accepted and ok to go ahead, there was something got out of it. More the question is… what am I feeling is missing, what do I want in a relationship and how do I create that in my life. If the confines of this relationship are not enough for you then honor yourelf enough respect that desire within you and act in accordance to fulfilling that. Otherwise resentment will only occur. If you are not happy then put your energy towards what is it you are looking for? what type of man what type of relation. And when you identify and set that as your base then you will attract a relationship that reflects this. If you want a man who is not married put the intention to attract a man who is “available” on all levels. If it is about him loving you mutually, put out there that you want a partner who is mutually fulfilled by the relationship. Gaining this insight will help to make clear what you want and make what you are wanting appear more visibly. Many blessings with this, wishing you love and fulfillment soon:)

By: Mary Paterson

Mary Paterson — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 17:40:13 +0000

I have been reading an interesting book called “Willful Blindness” by Margaret Heffernan. In many situations in our lives, we turn a blind eye and act as if everything is normal because it is too painful to face reality. 30 – 60% of Americans turn a blind eye to infidelity. Many suspect affairs are happening and the state of “knowing and not knowing is extremely painful…but the sheer routine of daily life makes blindness easier, less dramatic, less traumatic.” The author also notes that even when relationships sour, it is difficult to leave because humans tend towards keeping the status quo – as it is much less disruptive for us. This makes me think that even if a person is unhappy in a relationship, he/she might tend towards not leaving simply because change is difficult – and we usually avoid confrontation.

By: kalyani

kalyani — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:15:05 +0000

don’t do it…. there is no love in this relation, but only lust. how would you feel if you were married and your husband was cheating on you??? it is like worse than death for a woman to know her husband is cheating on her….being a woman don’t do this to another woman.

By: whitemountain

whitemountain — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:11:41 +0000

No need to be too hard on yourself. You most likely felt he wasn’t happy in his marriage that´s why he was looking for company outside his marriage. You most likely believed he would find in you what he was missing… But if all he is missing is sex, then you must be feeling hurt emotionally. Now that you know that is all he wants and that there is no future ask yourself if you want more of the little you are receiving or if you would prefer giving yourself the chance of some inner peace by being alone, and the chance of new possibilities of meeting someone who will love the whole of you and only you! Spoil yourself instead of waiting for a man to do this. Life feels very different when you start looking forward to the special little things you do for YOUR SELF, like lighting a candle, making a tasty meal, watching favourite film, going for a walk, etc… Try it, when you are your own best friend heartache due to others is much more bearable and fades away rapidly.
Love, Light and Joy!

By: eagle

eagle — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 03:15:57 +0000

Hope is the flame, the spark that keeps us alive in troubled times…..
It’s Hope that lasts and endures all things, not Love as ephesians says in the bible.
Enduring, lasting Love is a flower that grows,eventually…..it’s the effect. Think of a plant.

Are you like a house plant, all bottled up, waiting for the moment, only blossoming when your toes are in pain , your roots bound? Do you need pain in your life to feel or measure love?

Or is your love like a perrenial, blossoming estrogen every Spring flourishing every Summer as the sun comes out, then needing to mulch, snuggle in with someone in the autumn & having your interest in them die off every Winter, as you get to know them, spend so much close up time with them that you feel smothered?

Or like an annual, steadfast and not that exciting, security in predictablity, comfort in the routine?

Introspection, like Deepak says, inner dialogue. There is no “out there” that doesn’t already exist “in there”.

I find my answers in solitude, while gazing into a fire on the beach, or hiking a beautiful trail.

Respect yourself, not arrogance, but self appreciation. Your beliefs are shown in your actions, which speak louder than words. This will show others how to regard you, as a person of worth. Your first relationship is with yourself, second, the world.
Namaste

By: bob hauser

bob hauser — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 00:13:53 +0000

the toughest thing one can do is to fall in love with a married woman or man.i even went through levels of counseling before becoming intimate sexually.it hurts to know that the person being cheated on may not know what is happening in his wife’s world,and that is not fair to him.in an open relationship this may be possible,but that takes a lot of ‘understanding’ all the way around.i see too many singles out in our world ‘looking’ for and wanting to find a person to share life with… sharing with another partner’s partner is not necessary.check out the computer dating models.there is tremendous success finding a partner there.25 % of all current marriages are a result of computer matches.simply fill out a profile and see what matches up,then join and have coffee.good enough.

By: gulmohar

gulmohar — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 05:49:22 +0000

Sometimes we also get wrong messages from family or society. For instance, if the message a person gets is that love/romance is shameful or illicit, then you will associate love with only those kind of situations. Or you may have been given the message that the forbidden fruit is always the sweetest. So you may always be trying to get the unattainable because you associate that with love.

By: Trish Knox

Trish Knox — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 21:44:13 +0000

Love is constantly evolving. If a relationship leaves me feeling cold and empty I need to listen and act rather than complain. If another relationship leaves me warm and fulfilled I need to listen to that as well. My whole Self knows. Sometimes the “rules” change as another lesson of love comes around out of the blue.

By: margibingley

margibingley — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 09:31:09 +0000

Loving someone like that has no conscience. If you love it is a whole within itself. You will definitely pay the price for loving with alot of emotional pain. Eventually you WILL reach a neutrality in your heart and be empowered to move on. Love makes us slaves to stupidity.

By: hannevictoria

hannevictoria — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 07:33:33 +0000

Been there sooooooo many times too… Finally had a very big kick in my a** last year, which made me have a very honest and thorough look at my inner dialogues and made me see my relationships as mirrors of my myself.
With the use of use daily cognitive therapy, mediations, listening/following Deepaks “Soul of healing affirmations” and “Stress Free With Deepak Chopra” (especially the Love meditation) my life has changed completely. “Evil” boyfriend, bosses and co-workers has disappeared from my life and new and friendlier has appeared as if magically over the last nine months… I’ve done nothing – absolutely nothing but changing my thoughts. It takes discipline though. Just like physical workout. If you stop training you slowly get weaker – you have to continue a daily practice is my experience.

By: Thierry

Thierry — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 07:14:56 +0000

Don’t be afraid with love and of ma man who can love you.
Be distant with what could be painfull dependance and games of illusion…

By: Egghead

Egghead — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 02:05:27 +0000

Deepak.. amazing line “Valuing your core self is really loving yourself completely. And when you do that, you will attract a partner who reflects that love and respect to for you. ” Thanks.

I believe, our lives are all about making choices. While making those choices, we should have certain ideals in our mind. If we don’t have any ideals, then we would fall for anything, and might end up settling for less than what we truly deserve.

If you don’t have an image of your ideal husband, you won’t be able to attract him into your life. You won’t be able to say no to yourself and the man..when you find yourself getting attracted to a married guy..or be grateful to God, when you have finally met the kind of guy you always wanted.

Make a choice

http://book-marq.blogspot.com/2010/01/have-you-found-your-soul-mate.html#more

By: leslie bentley

leslie bentley — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 01:06:40 +0000

it is one thing if his wife is okay with him sleeping with someone else, but if he is doing this without her knowledge, i would seriously question not only his integrity, but his ability to truly and deep love. do you truly respect someone who behaves so dishonorably? are you relating honestly and respectfully to yourself?

By: vivian bagley

vivian bagley — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 23:48:11 +0000

dont be a fool….this man will not leave his wife and in the meantime, you grow older and older…start looking around for a decent man who dosen’t cheat on his wife , they are out there…my friend went with a “guy for 13 years, he was married and she wanted marriage, so she started looking around and found one in a coffee shoppe and they eventually got married…the other”guy was heart broken TOUGH ! she was happy with the husband she found.