Maybe the duality part help: It sounds like the common human artificial dilemma of duality. We see things in opposites. Especially in head vs. heart! Work vs. love is so common, and made up by the hemispheres. In Zen, we realize this argument is started by duality to make us suffer. When we find one path duality will create an argument for an opposite so mind will suffer between the two. As soon as one is chosen, duality will say, “you should have stayed where you were.” All designed to make us suffer. It’s the same demon that has someone cheat in a marriage or quick their job to follow their dream only to suffer and be broke.

The answer is to think both. But not at the physical level. PhD or the guy are just surface level desire. It’s what you hope they will get for you that is more important. Each being only a means to an end. Make a list for each choice about what you really want from that path. Then notice your choice is only one means to what you really want. You can then be less attached to either choice and come from love and unattached desire for unfoldment.

Also, instant love, especially of a taken parter or one with baggage, suddenly appearing can be a sign of fear about the PhD. I call it the Perfect Alibi. Easy to later say, couldn’t get my PhD because… It’s easier than going for it on the PhD dream. This is often why coincidentally we get distractions. They serve our fear of staying on current path.

With love…