Comments on: Depressed in Marriage

By: Jill

Jill — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:27:14 +0000

I’m on marriage #3, and I can say for sure that I should have cared a lot less about what my husbands were thinking or feeling. Ironic, yes, but if only had been a little less concerned with their feelings, I may never have gotten divorced at all! I asked them to marry me, and I divorced them….it was all ego. I should (I suppose, though I am not unhappy with #3) have been more objective and flexible, more focused on the long term…sharing long term objectives can help cement the deal. I also think we modern Americans are ridiculously romantic. I think being sexually attracted to someone who holds dear values and interests similiar to your own is a good enough basis for a long-term partnership.

By: William Smith

William Smith — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:54:06 +0000

It is my belief that the mind runs with whatever we feed it. If we feed it fear that is what we will have. To get over this I have found that if I break down the fears I have based on “My” experiences in the past and look at where I think that fear will lead I can then clearly see how and what I need to do to get the future I want because it all comes down to the choices we make and fear severely clouds these choices when we think from fear in the “heat of the moment”. “Everything” we do is a choice! Fear can cause us to do nothing because this would mean change and change in itself is fearful because its unknown and this can be a vicious cycle. To get anywhere we have to push through fear. The statement once said long ago that “There is nothing to fear but fear itself”, I believe to be one of the keys to every human beings desires! Dissect this statement and see the truth behind it, then, make a choice! I hope this helps, GB.

By: Ed

Ed — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:11:47 +0000

Nothing can change who you are. We are the image and likeness of God, Perfection and Love. We have to keep telling that to ourselves and meditate on it. God loves you and will help you if you ask. Try going to support groups and volunteering to get out and do something for others for a while. Meet new people and make some new friends. It will lift you up and maybe that will change the way things look like at home. If not be lovingly honest with your feelings, wants and desires. Pray and meditate. Believe in miracles. God blesses you but we have to move ourselves with the energy he gives us. The more we move the better we feel, the better we feel, the more we move, until we are alive and vibrant again. Plan a few things and try them out, if they do not work out, try something else. Never give up, just keep trying and see God everywhere and in everyone. Happy planning.

By: A M

A M — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:03:22 +0000

I am sorry for your condition. I have been through a unhealthy time myself and I can understand how you feel.

Realise that when we sit in one place and only think about “me..myself and mine” we get depressed. This is a lesson I learnt from Sri Sri Ravishankar of Art of Living. I know when our health is really bad and we are dependent on health insurance for our survival, it is easily possible to get into depression. I would suggest to hang in there. Commit to recovery with whatever resources you have and eventually find a way to be financially independent. Recovery first and then financial independence would make you feel great in itself and that itself will change lot of negative depressing feelings! Good luck! Please get in touch through meditation with your inner divine guide!

By: gauri

gauri — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 18:51:22 +0000

Dear questioner,

I will tell you simple rule to live with this man. See you are dependent on him financially so accept that truth and say thanks to him by heart that you need not to worry the money part at least. Now observe your thought hourly basis what most is hurting you. Is it his ignorance, is your incapability of doing things, is it the talk he made in the morning….. Then try your best to avoid it from your side at least. When he is not at home assume you are not married to him and do what ever you could do for your happiness. Your situation need your focus on hourly basis. Observe and note all the hours of the day you feel dead and why. Then work on the solution. You can seek help if you are able to jot down the specific reason your of dead feeling.

By: Debbie Bridge

Debbie Bridge — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:14:19 +0000

Being dependent financially with illness and depression is also extremely toxic in any relationship. This will make all involved sick. Either recommit and be thankful for the support you receive and return that support or do all a favor and move on. There is no in-between. Peace to you.

By: patriwind

patriwind — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 11:06:52 +0000

Debbie and Byron Kakie are a huge help and i would also recommend eckhardt tolle… do what’s necessary to become friendly with the present moment and unidentify from your thought process… helping others is also a miracle worker… it helps you forget about yourself and brings about gratitude which is the key catalyst… all the love in the universe for you 🙂

By: ML

ML — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:11:04 +0000

Dear questioner,

You have a tough history and I want to wish you really good luck.
My own experience with depression is that what really helps, is meditation. Not instantly, but over the time it really helps. So keep on meditating every day, or start right now if you haven´t done it before. Maybe also the work by Byron Katie can be of help?

Love and Good luck!

By: eturk

eturk — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 04:39:56 +0000

Deepak talks often of The Shadow. Strange coincidence, I was JUST reading this specific comment in “Dark side of the light chasers” by Debbie Ford. (Apparently she taught at the Chopra Center.)

Pg. 146, A student named Amy was complaining about he husband. She just keep dwelling on him being “dead”. The reality is, if we have a strong charge about someone, we are projecting ourselves on them. Amy started dating a young man and he was so alive, she finally realized the she was “dead”. She had let go of her playful alive self at some point and projected this on to her husband.

This is very deep work and some will deny any projection. It’s easier to blame others but we then continue to suffer because change is within us. Getting help with depression can help one have the strength to reclaim what is “dead” within.

Forget the money, what would being “alive” look like? Dancing around like a kid? Cracking stupid jokes? Be specific! And when was the last time you were alive? What happened that you decided that wasn’t OK any more? Maybe a loss? Did someone depart?

Thanks you SOOOO much Deepak for your teaching about The Shadow all these years. It’s some of the most profound healing work I’ve experienced.

Thank you for writing in and I wish you the greatest healing of the love within you.