Comments on: Helping your partner heal

By: Andy Oliver

Andy Oliver — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 15:11:55 +0000

In reply to Jade. Fascinating insight, thanks

By: consolation

consolation — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 07:23:45 +0000

I’m also in a relationship with a man that had a lot of issues in his childhood. I love him dearly but when those unresolved issues arise things go terribly bad. I’ve tried to be understanding but the situation has drained me. I see him and I know I love him. I see that he seeks that peace and tries hard to stay grounded but it never fails. I’m tired and the thought of not being with me hurts me deeply. What should i do?

By: Jade

Jade — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 01:47:43 +0000

I am 33 years old with a 12 year old daughter. I have been married since june 2009 to a 43 year old man of the Islamic faith of which I have much respect for. His knowledge and practice of the daily prayers Arabic language, Holy Quran, Hadith, Islamic Law and vertue, his work ethic,accomplishments, and attentiveness to me at the time drew me to accept his proposal with in a year. However as of August 2009 I experienced from him false accusations of flirtations and adultry, controling behavior and distrust, emotional and verbal abuse and physically aggressive acts. In addition, he has does not consider me or my feelings when it comes to how he irresponsibly conducts personal and business affairs such as the upaid wedding dowry and bills that I am constantly catching up on because he did not prioritize. I constantly apologizes and acknowledges that I and a goog woman in every aspect and that I give him aspiration to be a better husband. Up until this week there was no aggresive behavior since December 2009 and this time he injured me so I put him out again but tis time with all his belongings and told him I would have him arrested if he came back. In the past I have try to get an understanding as to why he can’t understand to I am dedicated and love him, suggest psycological and/or spritual counseling for him or us( which he always seems to want to avoid), put him out 3 times for up to a week, left 3 times for about a week, withdrew for intimency for a month (which eventually he demanded)and attentiveness or pampering, and eventually acting out, arguing out of frustration or fighting back. He asked for my love and trust when we married and I gave it with no dought. However I am very hurt and angry and feel he betrayed my heart with all the energy I put into our relationship and the forgiveness. I truly miss him however I know he does not deserve to be with me. I have a meeting with a spiritual conselor regarding consultation for divorce.

By: sameet

sameet — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:42:32 +0000

Dear sir can you please tell me how to attract girls

thanks

By: Elle

Elle — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:14:15 +0000

I’m also a girl from Iran. I have been in a relationship with a guy with a lot of childhood issues which I thought I was in love with him at the time. I tried to just be a listener and just e for him and also tried to help him, nothing worked. We finally broke off the relationship and I ended up meeting another beautiful man inside and out and living together for the last seven years very very happy. I can not tell you how grateful I am that my relationship with him ended. Thank God…

By: Eve

Eve — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:34:44 +0000

I have a similar situation; my boyfriend endured childhood depression, and has never fully freed himself of that trauma. He carries it with him in his everyday world. He is almost 50, never married, no children, spiritual, constantly seeking the truth of his existence.
I am divorced with 2 teenagers which he cares for openly. We have been together almost 2 years (living in separate homes).
We both love one another, attend family functions together, are a couple in every sense, yet quite often(sometimes monthly), he will feel increased depression to the point that he distances himself or is “less involved”, the “cuteness/unique attributes of our relationship” we share is non existent when this occurs. I try to give him space…I find that this usually results in him coming back on his own, however this is incredibly hard for me because if we do end up in a discussion about what he is feeling, he will tell me that “maybe he is meant to be alone, not be with anyone, maybe he and I should not be together”, that this “nagging feeling” is always there, that “something is wrong..”, yet I can’t describe to you how much we have in common, how much we love one another, how my soul is enlightened by his. BUT those words and that “nagging feeling” he has is there, like an invisible demon. When things are good, when he is not as depressed, he is good, he doesn’t speak those words of being apart, he is funny, fun to be with, and those inevitable happier times are always followed by a downward direction.
My question is what do I do? Do I listen to him when he’s depressed, and leave him, or do I think/react with my heart and give him space when he needs it, but show support and continue as is? How can we break this cycle? He has seeked therapists’ counsel, we have attended your lecture, he has gone on a week long self improvement retreat, am I perhaps hurting him more than “helping him”?
My heart and soul says we will be together one day, that his feelings of anxiety or depression, lack of trust within a relationship will go away because he will soon see that this is better than not…but what if I’m just a dreamer?
Am I wrong?

By: derickson

derickson — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:12:28 +0000

If you find God annointed true love many times it doesnt fit the norm of relationships. That person is following a different life path or has a different belief system. Are we not to give up on this relationship no matter how difficult because it is what God joined? The further I distanced myself from the situation tragic events occurred to both of us, such as death to the person we chose or I was struck by lightening and have had everything taken from me. What is one to do but wait for this person. Suffering further is out of the question, and it has been twelve years. Suffer or die?

By: Veronica D

Veronica D — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:18:54 +0000

Thanks so much for this answer. I had a very similar question.