Helping your partner heal
I am a 24 year old girl from Iran. I am a meditation beginner . These days I am getting out of a 3 year complicated relationship with a man which I loved so much, and I must confess I still do love him. He had a hard life while he was a child during the Iran-Iraq war, many other problems and pains in the previous years, death of his best friend and then the year after his mother died (they were really attached to each other) he went through a very serious mental problems, not accepting the fact of his mother’s death, anger, addiction and I can make u a list till tomorrow!!!and last year his older brother died!
He loves me so much ,but I think it’s no good for me to continue being in this relationship and he is not making any progress, I tried so hard to help him but he is the one who has to help himself. I am so tired, so hurt and i want to heal my own pains but why there is still a tiny little hole of hope inside me that makes me dream that maybe one day we can be together and everything will be fine and he will be healed and he will become wise.
I am doing my life on my own, everything around me is fine, education, work, art(I am studying illustration),but I am trying to forget that this relationship maybe be on again in a long future, why do I have this hollow hope yet? Everybody tells me that u have still hope, but why really?!How can I le t it go? What should I do not thinking of it,???:(
p.s: sorry if my English is not rich enough, I hope I could convey what my question is…
The reason it is so hard for you to let go is because you still love him and he loves you. I appreciate that you are tired and hurt and feel you are ready to work on your own wounds. Perhaps some of your frustration and difficulty lies in your perception of the situation. You said you have tried so hard to help him but that he is not making any progress. When one is in a close relationship with someone who is recovering from as much personal loss in their life, as your ex- boyfriend is going through, then the best help they can receive from their partner is simply their close presence, not their active work in “helping” them get better. The other point is that progress in recovering from grief and trauma does not usually follow a straight upward line. From your point of view you may not be able to accurately assess his real progress based on your own frustrations and unmet needs.