Comments on: Regaining Trust

By: bridesmaiddresses

bridesmaiddresses — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 04:01:17 +0000

You decide! Whatever her role, here are risk-free duties she can do to put the bride at ease

By: Anne

Anne — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:52:01 +0000

In reply to simone.

So they are still married, that is good, but what happend to his relationship to the young woman – did that also last?
My lifepartner has another woman, so I should say may previus lifepartner, though he is still here in the room with me. For me a marriage or lifepartnership has 4 pillars Love, Respect, Trust and Monogamy. He seams to think that ‘a 3-legged foundation’ is enough. He is a very lovable person, so easy to fall in love with, so I understand that the girl(s) and what man can recist a flirting lady. I tell him he cannot be my lifepartner, but he just wont go away, and somehow I dont want him to go, but it makes me sick everytime he goes out to meet her. I am struggling to find out if it is only my ego that is hurt or if my own true self suffers too.

By: Dara

Dara — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:52:04 +0000

I am experiencing similar feelings to what you describe. I found out about my husband 10 months ago. I have been trying to do more or less what Deepak said in his reply to you. I must add that meditation has been such an important part of any progress I have made in healing the heartache. It has made it possible for me to see everything with fresh perspective. I do not consider my meditation practice an escape from reality nor do I consider it a kind of safety net when I feel really sad, The difference is subtle but powerful. If I were to offer any advice to you, it would be to make a meditation practice part of your life. When I look back in my life, the difficult experiences have been huge opportunities for personal growth. I have learned a lot about myself and gained compassion for others. I suspect the same will be true for this difficult situation. That thought helps me make some sense of it all. Have you read the Book of Secrets? That has helped, too. I wish you peace, and peace of mind. Take care of yourself. I do believe that Deepak is right when he says to heal your heart and the forgiveness will come. I do not think I am quite there yet myself , but I know I am closer than I was. I also believe that there is truth to the saying that is often darkest before the dawn. Thank you for asking Deepak this question. Hearing his reply and making this connection has helped me.

By: simone

simone — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 09:44:24 +0000

I once heard an interview with a therapist. He told the interviewer that he and a patient had fallen in love with eachother and he was in conflict with himself (all this happened in the 70’s). He asked a colleague what to do and his advice was “Tell your wife.”
So he took this young woman with him to his house and told his wife that he loved this woman as well as her and that she loved him back and that he was conflicted about this. His wife stood up and hugged the young woman and said: “I love this man very much. I can only encourage others to love him as well because he deserves all the love in the world.”
To this day he and his wife are still married.

This story was such an eyeopener for me.
In todays culture so much importance is placed upon “having” or “owning” a certain person (and his income, stature and possesions might I add) and excluding everybody else. And especially women prepare themselves into reacting a certain way if their husband would have an “affair’ with someone else (think Elisabeth Edwards). But women never seem to reflect and wonder might I have created an opening for this woman to enter? Or where has my husband had emotional reservations towards me that gave rise to this relationship?

These “affairs” are somehow never regarded as a source of love and concern between two people, but always seen as something that stems from a sexual neediness and immaturity within the man involved. I think that if there is love between these two people, even if it was an affair, there should be a level of respect towards that, because love is a sacred thing.
And that is what I like about the story of the therapist, there was a lot of respect for all the sources of love involved.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 21:46:29 +0000

I’ve been where you are and really understand your inner conflict. Deepak’s advice is good… heal YOUR heart and take care of YOU first. It was very helpful for me to find a counselor — someone “neutral”, outside of my family circle who could help me own & process the feelings & then move forward in a direction that felt right for ME. Only YOU will know when and what that will be. Be GENTLE with yourself and know that healing is there for you if you seek it with an open heart. Blessings.

By: Veronica D

Veronica D — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:49:30 +0000

And by that I meant that forgiving and loving him that does mean overlooking his behavior and staying in the relationship in quiet desperation and fear. As Deepak said lovers must share the same values.

By: Veronica D

Veronica D — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:47:37 +0000

Though the first one she must be unconditionally loving with is herself.

By: Gyanama

Gyanama — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:18:44 +0000

Unconditional love is a choice, a choice that has never failed me and has put me in direct alignment with our Creator…. You find that when you choose sincerely to embrace unconditional love, Grace is released and what ever adjustments are needed in your life will just happen. Something a true light giving friend told me once, is that only our ego’s get hurt. Your soul is ever untouched by the human out play of emotional roller coasters. Your soul was created in unconditional love, so when you choose to love unconditionally, your making a choice at the Soul level, in other words, Your one with God…..
Peace