I need to be real

“But why would you do anything?” my friend inquired, “competition is motivating,” she said. “What do you have to motivate you?”

It was a fair question seeing how I don’t have anything. There are no outside forces, no needs, no lacks chasing me forward, snapping at my feet when I lag behind. I have no one to compete with, I have no need to accel, I have nothing to prove.

So why? Why would I do anything? Why would I draw, write, design, create?

“Because I want to,” I said. “Because who I am needs to express itself in reality.”

Because I need to be real.

Yes, I could spend what time I have left sitting in a comfortable chair with a good book and a cup of tea, amusing myself with the concepts, the stories, the pictures in my head. I could do that, I could keep them there, inside, for myself, for my own amusement. I could revel in my rich “inner life” while my “outer life” would be – what? A reflection of what? Lived by whom?

“I need to be whole and consistent,” I said. How I see reality has to express itself in reality or it will not be real, it will not be me, it will be no more than a story.

I need to be me, inside and out. Me expressed in my life, as my life.

I need to be real.

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