A transformation from breakdown to breakthrough
It is probably easier to write all this then to say it to anyone, even though I told my husband and his advice was to not tell anyone else, they’d think that I was crazy. I guess to make a long story short: I didn’t grow up a religious person really, I mean I knew about Jesus but not really. Ok here it is, I went though really hard times, I lost it, I felt as if I was dying, I cry about it now just writing, Cause I still don’t understand what happened. It was an experience that, I don’t know, I’ll just say .. I was lying on the couch again for days at this point and it wasn’t the first time. I was crying praying to myself over and over to God to help me…”Please God help me”, over and over and over and over, Crying and rocking like a baby, There was something wrong with me… I had lost what I had thought was the love of my life to drugs… The abuse that I went though in my life with him and before him at this point when I think about it was absolutely crazy , how could I have put up with it for so long and still I prayed to God That I would die for him if he just could see for a second how much I loved him….. Nights of feeling, almost unexplainable, lost and broken. My mother and sister said I had an emotional, mental and physical breakdown all at once and just wanted me to get on medications. I would just lay there cry in pain, my body was in actual pain, I could eat or sleep, I would just stare… This is the “am I crazy part, “ are you ready for this?
I saw air form into something that resembled small people, babies, boys, I mean I know Im not crazy but they were full of light or highlighted with light and being hit with light by movement, Air…….I could see thru them but I could see them, It seemed like they had wings, but just barely, you know how heat looks but not heat just something like it but air, I can’t explain it. Strange comforting Laughter and music, but more like music (I don’t know) I felt like I was being moved and lifted as fast as I could move, upward, it was dark but not, I remember the trees and the air rushing thru me and the comfort of children’s laughter. ( or angels or something) I almost feel crazy for saying that?
The happiness and laughter was so memorable. Lights or balls of lights Seemed so far but close hitting my body and entering my body with each time I got closer and closer to something and each time an emotion or something, for some reason I am in tears telling this to you all of this, I guess I am scared of being judged for this, I don’t understand this…I remember just being like in shock and then it stopped I was “floating” and I don’t know how many of those star light things entered into my body but it was so many, so much ,so fast that I don’t know how to explain this feeling in words, a power that was..(?LOVE?)…..I saw something that looked like “space” outer space? light? I feel bright, The Magnitude of it was Unknown to anything I ever saw or felt in my life. It was so crazy weirdly Wonderful.. I found myself on my knees on my floor in my house in tears, but more like uncontrollable, more than uncontrollable, and why???? I crawled into the shower with all my clothes on and my tears were of Love there was no Pain…NO PAIN, None what so every. Everything in my word changed overnight, and I mean everything.
I am an artist, I mean before I was an ok artist but not so fabulous you know what I mean, and this happened many years ago, there has not been a day that I haven’t thought of it. But ever since my mind has been full of these images and I draw them over and over and I don’t understand the things my mind is seeing. So I just draw them out and keep on going with life. My life is so different, I feel so different, I think different, I speak different, I hear different, My art work is different. My parents even my dad said to me so what happened , when did you get so smart? The thing is, is that I feel smarter and more likely to speak when before I was always the victim or the less smart one. Months ago I saw your program and I got your “The Third Jesus book” I have read half of the book and really really like it so far. So I guess I don’t know what I am asking just wanting to share and maybe get an opinion , If you met me before and after my crazy experience you would know there was a dramatic change in my life, like overnight, like night and day. And now I am obsessed with these images and that day and I see the world in a whole different way. Thank you for listening.