Dealing with disillusionment

I’ve gone through up and down periods in my life.  I’ve delved into new age programs and there is nothing that I haven’t tried: I’ve been very adventurous throughout my lifetime. Now I’m in my late 50’s, alone, running out of money because my job doesn’t pay me enough, and my mom just died after being hospitalized for a month — I never left her side.

When I read your comments about synchronicity, etc., — it all seems like one big lie.  Life is just hard and then we die.  And lately, I wish it would come sooner rather than later for me!