It is always a pleasure to hear you speak and I am especially happy to hear you speak on the ” I am ” meditation. I read a book that was on a suggested list at the end of one of your books. It was called ” I am ” and was written by a man who seemingly had an awareness beyond most. His teacher told him when he began to just meditate on ” I am ” . I am not sure how to spell his name , but here I will try..Sri Prammanasudh. I hope this rings a bell and jogs your memory. I believe it was an inspirational book for you as well and if memory serves me correctly you had the opportunity to meet this gentleman.
Anyways, to make my point I will cut to the chase. I am a member of the 12 step program for drug addiction and I am a survivor of sexual abuse. Within the Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous programs we refer to our selves as addicts and alcoholics. When we introduce ourselves we say ” I am an addict and my name is…” . I have had a thought since I adopted this meditation of ” I am ” when I introduce myself at meetings. I would like to just say ” I am” , but that does not fit within the program. I feel that by saying I am an addict, it will always be so. If I say ” I am ” I am not being entirely truthful at meetings. How can I get around feeling like I am making my own reality by saying it over and over? Within the Big Book of AA it does say that “we can recover”. Not that we are recovering for the rest of our lives. I feel my recovery is based upon my spiritual maintenance now and my higher power has removed my obsession to use. That is a gift I am most grateful for as I know that addiction leads to 3 places, death, jails and institutions. Having this death sentence removed is a miracle only God could give me. I guess my question is … ” How can I carry this philosophy of ” I am ” with me at all times, including 12 step meetings?” I trust the Big Book of Alcoholics completely as it has been proven to work millions of times over as long as you have a connection with a power greater than yourself. Higher power, God, God consciousness or even just Mother Nature. I have seen people keep their sobriety just believing in the group. Group of Drunks, or G.O.D. , for short. It is funny but it works for some. Am I hurting my quest to pure awareness and complete consciousness by stating ” an addict ” after ‘ I am “? Is it o.k. to just practice the feeling of ” I am ” in meditation only and the rest of reality doesn’t necessarily need that feeling. I am confused because Sri Prammanasudh was able to reach ‘enlightenment’ or a higher state of awareness than most by being ” I am “, always. Please let me know how you feel as I have always been helped by your awareness and I have read much of your books. You have been a guide , in the form of an author, for me for quite some time and I owe you a debt of gratitude for the information and paths you have shared with the world. I have been able to understand intellectually and I am learning to experience everyday. It is through experience that I learn the most. You don’t really know a lemon until you taste it, right?
