Yo-Yo Spiritual Growth
I’ve been studying for years much of your books and videos, as well as other spiritual teachers or guides. I’ve made Reiki and I also meditate. The thing is that despite that amount of work I’ve done inside…I don’t get to maintain a peaceful state for long periods.
Sometimes I feel full of peace, free of fear and grateful for all I have and I live…but without knowing why, I start to fall again in the old patterns, old fears and then the rest of my egoic attitudes come back. The thing is that when I’m “down” I hardly find the energy to apply the techniques and tools I’ve learned…as if a part of me wouldn’t want to be ok. I find a strong resistance inside when negativity arises and then I start to blame on external reasons.
I try to stay present, meditate, breath, but It seems to me that I don’t get to control my overall state. Like if when I’m down it happened as an accident, and when I feel good, as well.
Sometimes I feel my mind catches everything I learn to feel good and converts it into a mental object, and then it loses its power to me.
Any ideas or external view of what happens to me would be very helpful!