I’ve been a regular meditator over the years and feel that my life has become much more full and enjoyable from this practice.
When it comes to my relationship with men, however, I feel that something keeps me from breaking a pattern that doesn’t give me what I want. I keep falling for/attracting men who like to spend time with me now and then – especially sexually – but don’t want a closer relationship. So, my current lover is married and has no intention of breaking his marriage. He wants to have sex with me now and then.
But nevertheless, my feelings for him are deep. I try to be strong and brave and not ask of him what he doesn’t want to give me. But I’m frequently experiencing moments of unhappiness because I’m in love with him and he doesn’t love me back. This situation has been going on for more than two years now. Friends have often told me to move on, and that my preoccupation with him is keeping me from finding someone who really loves me and vice versa. And they are probably right. But I feel that I love this man now, during this period of my life, and that a feeling of love doesn’t take into consideration whether the other person has the same feelings or not. On the other hand, I would like to get out of this relationship that doesn’t bring me much joy and happiness.
Do you have something to say about this pattern of feeling love for men that doesn’t really love you back the same way?