Depressed in Marriage

I am trapped in a toxic marriage. I’ve tried everything possible to co-exist with my mate but when I am with him I feel dead. My problem is that I am dependent on him financially. I have had cancer and a 3 month hospital stay for depression. Most of the time I feel positive about leaving this awful relationship behind and am filled with hope and ideas for the future – then fear overtakes me and I become confused and ambivalent. My greatest fear about leaving is that I will not be financially secure and that I will never be able to obtain health insurance. I have a history of trauma and anxiety. My sense of self is very weak. I really want to embrace uncertainty – can you give me a push?