Grieving at Christmas

My husband committed suicide in December 2006, I thought I had dealt with it but it’s still there, I feel depressed and still have so much guilt and pain. I have remarried but and moved to another country, sold the house I lived in where my husband hung himself in the garage. I thought I had done the grieving and letting go but apparently not. I have taken up Yoga and just want to find inner peace and enjoy life again. Other times I just want out and everything seems too much. I just want to cry and do nothing and have not responsibilities. He died a few days before Christmas and everyone thinks I should be over it by now. My son was 19 at the time and he is only wanting to talk about it now. How do we survive Christmas and try to put on a brave face when really all I want to do is to get away from pretending I’m ok. I try to stay in the present but it’s so hard. Grief is a completely different ball game when its suicide. Any guidance?