Growing in Spiritual and Emotional Independence
I’m 22 years old. My life for a long time, has revolved around my relationship. I am a very loving person by nature, and I’ve never felt complete without love in my life, especially without loving and caring for a significant other. To me my life feels empty if I am not there for someone, and I feel lonely when I have no one to share my life experiences with.
Since the age of 16, I was in a 4 yr relationship with a boy who was slightly disabled. Because I loved him the way he was, he returned love immensely and I have never felt more complete and happy in my life. However, this relationship broke, because we had some long distance issues.
Since then, I depended on a boy who was like a brother to me, and eventually we ended up having a relationship. This boy has helped me in so many ways, namely, he helped me become a more independent person. I have been brought up protective all my life and in quite an unrealistic way, where my parents beliefs were to marry a rich man and have him provide for me. He helped me realize my talents that I was not making use of, and because of him I’m doing a degree right now (which my parents had never planned for me). Things were not easy with him as opposed to my first relationship. In that we didn’t even have to speak a word but would know what each other were thinking. It was a very deep connection I had, and I could never understand how we broke up. The current boy and I are complete opposites, but I’ve learnt so much because of him, and I appreciate him so much. I have a lot of dreams in my life and I see all these things possible with him.
Sadly, my parents dislike him to the point I cannot even describe. My father shivers with hatred at the sound of his name, and I can’t understand how or why (unless it’s something to do with a previous birth!). At the same time my ex came back during this period and they were forcing a relationship with him again. Because of my stupid big heart, I felt sorry when I heard him crying saying how he didn’t know what he was doing. I tried to help him because he had some psychological problems. I was the one person he could confide in easily and so I spoke to him, despite my boyfriend telling me not to. I thought it was important because he really needed someone. And Sadly, I ruined my relationship with my boyfriend by betraying his trust, and speaking to him without his knowledge.
Although we have so many things that do not match, I hold on to him because of who he has made me today, and because I love him. But with all the pressure from my parents and friends, telling me to break up with him, I sometimes feel confused wondering whether all these things happening are signs telling me to break up. Right now, he has become quite wicked to me because he can’t get over the betrayal, but I’m being as patient and assuring as possible. At times it’s hard to handle, and I don’t know whether it’s worth fighting for a person who I’ve already ruined things with. I want to do what’s right but I’m scared because I just don’t know where to turn.