Late Teen Rebellion

I have been a stay at home mother for the last 23 years. I love my kids with a passion and want everything for them: health, happiness, love, success. Out of the 3, I have one child who is very rebellious and has acted out in ways the other 2 have not. He is an older teenager- he experiments with drugs, is arrogant , self centered and immature. When he is around us, he causes strife because he breaks rules of the household. My husband is apathetic and is tired of raising a rebellious kid. I feel guilty, but I am very anxious when he is home from college. He tells me I am a mean spirited person who doesn’t take him as he is. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and feel terrible about our relationship. Everyone tells me to “let go” but to me letting go means I don’t care anymore. Please advise.