My husband of 17 years recently moved out, and it appears we are headed down the path of divorce. I have used this time to work on myself – learning from the experience, accepting and forgiving my responsibilities in the toxicity the marriage had become, growing spiritually, trying to find my way down the path of becoming a better, more enlightened person. I practice primordial meditation twice daily, sometimes using the meditation tools found in Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire (i.e. heart mantra when emotional turmoil sets in). In my list of desires, I don’t have anything listed related to this current marital situation other than my desire to release any negative emotions related to my husband, and my desire to react to him in more positive, encouraging, and helpful manners.
Part of me wants our family back, as this separation is difficult on the kids, and we did have many happy times together. The other part of me thinks of what the marriage had become, and talks myself out of wanting our family back as it had become very unhealthy for both of us. Thus, nothing in my list of desires other than the above!
My questions are:
1) Should I list a desire to have our family back again as a happy familial unit again? I do want the best outcome for all, but I also know going back to the way things were right before the breakup would not be best, and this is where I get confused.
2) How do I know the difference between ‘taking the high road’ to minimize conflict when it arises, vs. ‘I’m going to get burned if I don’t stand up for myself’, especially where property and asset splits are concerned? My intuition tells me he is hiding money and assets from me during this time that I’m trying to provide for my family on my single income, but when I bring it up he gets antagonistic. How do I know when to take further steps, what steps to take, or should I just let it go and hope for the best outcome?
3) He is attempting to force me into making financial decisions, making some of his own and pushing me into accepting them. I do not feel the time is right to make some of these decisions, added to this is I truly do not know WHAT I want in regards to property and asset splits. I feel like I’m getting backed into a corner. My intuition tells me to hold off, not reply, do nothing, but the pressure is increasing, and once he files for divorce then a decision will have to be made, or made for us by the courts. I feel like I should be making my own decisions, but again I just don’t know exactly what I want in order to make any.
I thank you kindly for any guidance and wisdom you have. I enjoy your writing and teachings tremendously!