Not Fitting in
Why do I feel so alone on my path? I meditate, study, believe, and have experienced first hand remarkable medical and spiritual outcomes (disappearance of an ovarian tumor following meditation and prayer, melted away moles, know when things are going to happen before they do sometimes- i.e.: my child is about to wake in the night/the alarm clock is going to go off). I’ve had moments of profound clarity and connection. Yet, I struggle with being “in this world but not of it”. My life is very full, 4 children, a husband, wonderful family and friends. Sometimes I feel that my pull to God and enlightenment interferes with my living in the now and enjoying every moment. That is so contradictory, I know. It is very confusing to me. I feel like I am caught in the middle, and I have to get off the fence or miss everything. Again, it is a very lonely state. I realize that I am far from enlightenment, and am not striving for it, but every time I turn away, something pulls me back. I don’t want to miss a moment of my children’s’ lives preoccupied, and I spend my days focusing on that and loving them. However, the pull is always there, as is the veil. I love and am loved, but I don’t fit in. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.