Reconciling contradictions

I have read many of your books; my favorites are Ageless Body Timeless Mind and Buddha. The story of Buddha and theteachings were enlightenment and a great understanding. The one question I do not fine in your writings is that I have never understood how one could believe that the soul or truth and light is not independent in its sphere in which it has been placed to act for its self. If we are all part of a higher being/universe/life force and do not have our independence then we are but mere extensions of this life force and do not exist. Where is our agency or our condemnation? Where is our Anger or our Joy? How are we to then not exist and find happiness and joy in this non-existence?