Seeking God

Ever since I was 17 I have been seeking to know God. I have prayed and meditated and studied the Bible all these years (I am 51 now). I have studied church doctrines, observed nature, read books, etc. Most of all, I have prayed. I have gone through excruciatingly difficult periods in my life and have experienced a lot of different situations in life. The question I am having, and the struggle I am experiencing, is that I feel I know less than when I started out at age 17. I am more confused. I presently have a sense that God is all that is good and all that is bad or evil. The Yin and Yang. Positive and negative energy in One. How can I possibly feel secure with such a God? Maybe I shouldn’t have questioned anything in the first place? But of course, good always triumphs over evil. And overall my life has improved and I have seen many miracles. The fact remains that I am here right now and all is well in my world. The proof of the pudding is in the tasting. I believe my question has been answered. However, if you have a comment on the Good + Evil belief, I would greatly appreciate hearing it. Thank you.