I know everything is always as it should be and perfect in every moment when we are aware etc. I help many people to discover their hearts desire and ‘dharma’ so to speak but yet for myself i am on a secret self-destructive path that i just can’t seem to stop and its silly because i know my soul chose to come here but it surely wasn’t to help others while slowly killing myself in secret with eating problems etc! I have had bulimic behaviour for past 10 yrs. and it’s like a shield for me when it all gets too much i just don’t know how to stop. I know my heart won’t last much longer physically if i keep it up but the weird part is a part of me doesn’t care it’s like i want to go back to wherever i came from. I used to sing, dance, act, travel, and had all this dreams to make inspirational movies, books, music and run retreats and have a huge vegetarian restaurant world music cafe filled with arts, creativity etc! but now i feel nothing. i don’t see anything for me to visualise or do. I don’t feel an inner nudge or pull in any direction and its weird for me as i have always listened closely to my intuition but now i feel nothing. I just don’t want to be here. its like I’ve given up. I just don’t know what to do as there is so many things i could do but don’t know where to start and don’t know how to make myself do it. Also do you think it’s necessary to leave the environment/town that brings up a lot of past hurt and memories so that maybe will help? To start again and be free? Even though i know and understand the saying ‘wherever you go there you are!’ I just mean is it easier if you are physically not in the environment that triggers past memories etc?
