I am 44 years old and been struggling to leave the marriage. I chose to accept an arranged marriage after a failed relationship due to religion and from encouragement from my family. Since the start of the relationship I had trouble connecting with my spouse and we have been struggling since. I am aware that I contributed heavily to the relationship not being successful since we never had an opportunity to really create a bond in marriage even after having a child. I feel extremely guilty for ruining her life and causing so much pain, and I am very critical of myself and have been trying my best to get her to see that this is not in her best interest as well. I have been to therapist without success since they don’t seem to understand the complexities of the Indian cultural and the complexities in the marriage. It has been about 12 years and our daughter is 8 years old. I have made attempts to leave and she is not willing to accept it and doesn’t allow me to leave because she fears that she will not have a good life after a divorce. She blames me for the failure of the relationship and is not willing to accept that she also contributed to the failure. She sees herself a victim and having been having high blood pressure, which is cause of fear for me to leave her in that situation. It is essential for me to have her accept that is not the victim and she also contributed to the failure of the marriage. We have been fighting a lot about this and it is extremely painful for me to be in this situation, I feel like my life is slipping away however I feel I cannot compromise and leave without making her understand, this would be very damaging for me to deal with. It is important for me to have her see it is not in her best interest to continue with the relationship and make a choice to end it. I feel I cannot leave until she accepts that and not victimizes herself. Please provide me with some suggestions on what and how I can get her toaccept that this is not good for her to be in this unhealthy marriage.
