I am wondering what to do about the current situation that appears to be my living experience that I am struggling with, and how to go about managing living in this world in wholeness. For the last three years it seems to be that I am stuck between two worlds and I am struggling with the fusion of the two worlds within this reality on earth. This becomes difficult as I find myself unable to manage communicating with people here. Most often words or thoughts will come forward from pictures or colors in my mind, and be spoken from myself that others will not understand. The words will make clear sense to me, and I know exactly what I am saying but others will become irritated and frustrated and not understand anything that I am saying. When I listen to how they are interpreting them I cannot blame them or be angry because the meanings of these words, will sound like an inside out or backwards and forwards meaning at the same time. This is hard to explain because up is down and past is present in these sentence structures. My heart breaks for them as well as even my own self because the presence of being becomes suppressed and stuck within this space between two worlds as sharing of the living experience here appears to be murdered and feels like I am unable to “BE”. This creates a lonely and lifeless feeling living in this world. I don’t know what to do as I try and live here with everyone and ground myself in this reality that they know, but I cannot escape the other truths as this is the place where I see the most beautiful experiences and realities of all people. I see the most profound aspects of one-self being oneself here. To be in this world without this acceptance from the other is so heavy and negative, like living a half-life. I try sometimes to blind myself from it just so I can communicate with others and share this living experience but it does not happen that I can stop myself from seeing this other perception within these experiences here. I try not to talk about it but it will just fall out of my mouth while having the most basic conversation, and I will notice the other person’s body and mind shift in a way where I see they do not understand what I am saying. And it is quite simple to me. So I will retreat back into a darker place where the other person seems to want to be. But again this is after I realize I have said things that don’t seem to fit in their linear reasoning. I am distressed as I am not ready to leave this world here but I am struggling to find the balance of living in both, in a whole way. I feel at times lost to this world and this concerns me. Is there any advice other than meditation to help me balance this. as the meditation just makes this otherworld stronger inside this world. I love the peace this brings to me, but it does not seem to bring peace to the others in my life. It seems to agitate them or bring about some kind of pain or something. I notice their light compressing into shadow, as do my own when this happens. Like I am hiding my being because I see it causing friction or irritation or something. I let it be as it is and quite myself the best I know how but after three years of this loneliness I don’t feel that this is serving others or myself. I feel no purpose moving any longer through being here. And this seems to have only strengthens my communication with spirit and though I feel connected to all here and not lonely, I notice the difficulty in creating communication and relationships and even functioning like a normal person on the surface of this world where so many live according to ideas that appear to be half or partial truths. I need to balance or fuse this somehow. I know I have purpose here in this world, as it is that I am here now.

I have been detached from everything around me. If I have money I spend it and if I don’t have it, I don’t miss it. There’s nothing that I miss. It’s fine as long as material things are concerned, but when it comes to people around me, I feel something is wrong with me. I find it very easy to give up people and have accepted death of near ones very easily, without crying. On watching a few movies, however, I cry a little. Sometimes I feel I don’t love anyone and whatever I do for others is out of duty for them. Sometimes I feel I internalize my feelings and put a mental block on them so much so that I rarely miss the people who are not there. Can meditation help me get over my feeling of guilt at not being so worldly attached to those who love me? Is there some goal I must set for myself during meditation? Please help me.

Lately, my past has been coming back to haunt me. I feel trapped in the past and feel as if it is holding me back from my future. How can I let go of the pain and guilt I feel? Every time I move forward with my life, something from my past intervenes; either an experience and/or thought, that makes me feel like a helpless and disgusted. It is very infuriating and terrible to relive.

What advice would you recommend?