How do we know what a good apple tastes like if we haven’t had a bad apple to compare it to. Do we need bad experiences to give birth to new desires? I recognize we are going back to our source but do we have to suffer to be reborn again? If we are constantly expanding consciousness do we ever contract? If we fulfill all our desires do we just want to suffer again. Seems pointless.

This past summer an old friend came back into my life from our high school days. I am in my early 60’s as is he. We were very mildly friends in HS as I was engaged to another at the time. We dated a couple of times and he wrote me from Vietnam for two years after I was married. He said that as a youth, he was painfully shy and was never able to tell me how he felt about me and was happy to just be my friend. We were both divorced in the early to mid 70’s from our spouses and never saw each other again till he found me on a website. Neither of us ever remarried.

Our connection after all this time was so intense and so strong; it was like we had known and loved each other all thru those years apart. I have never experienced anything so strange or so strongly magical. It was like we had always really KNOWN each other. He told me he had always had a major crush on me and had carried my picture thru 6 years in Vietnam and also said he never stopped thinking about me till he got my email this summer. He was able to tell me things he knew and remembered about me that I had forgotten from 45 years ago like the street I lived on, the outfits I wore, the make and color of my car and that of my mother, what classes we had together, the clubs I was in school, etc. We shared over 1000 emails pouring out everything thru the years.

I am not sure what happened, but I told him in Sept that I needed some time to get my thoughts and feelings together. Quite honestly, I was terrified of the intensity of the feelings I had and have for him. After that, he told me thru an email that this was over and that he didn’t even want to be my friend any longer. The 3 months we shared this summer were never a physical union. It was totally emotional, intellectual and I believe spiritual. He also said he had never connected with anyone to the extent he connected with me.

I just want to know what this was all about as I can’t stop crying over the sense of loss I feel. I feel like I lost my best and dearest friend. And he won’t even talk to me. And I feel at my core that there is some deeper meaning to all this. Am I wrong?