I have begun this spiritual journey in order to learn how to process pain. My heart was broken quite severely as the result of a relationship that was terminated. The pain that followed was quite intense. This fear of loss translated across the plane of my life (fear of losing parents, fear of being without romance, fear of not being wanted, fear of being alone). I began searching within myself to find a way to be self-fulfilled and not need anything external to fill the depths of my heart; that is where I’ve found trouble in the past.

I have found now that I am able to enjoy the people whose paths I have crossed without attaching anything to them. When our paths split, I feel nothing terrible. I cannot decipher whether I’ve trained myself to turn off emotionally or I am living with higher understanding. Or is it both and I’m on the right path?

I am 33 years old, and have been in therapy for the past 10 years. Every time I get to a point where I can deal with the REAL issues that drive my bad decisions I fall apart. Lose a job, therapist etc. I am not sure that I will ever be able to change this pattern and I am feeling hopeless, as I have tried to work with several therapists at this point with minimal results. I am not happy, and I am not making good decisions, relationships or career choices. Should I just give up and accept the fact that my prior conditioning is stronger than the healthy part of me?