How Can I Get My Mother-in-Law to Back Off?
I have a small and maybe silly question but nevertheless it’s a nagging thought that’s always on my mind.
I am expecting my first baby who is due to arrive in a couple of months. My mother in law who is staying with us is good to me except occasional differences which I think happens in almost every relationship. Sometimes however, she becomes too interfering and always tells me what to do and how things should be done. Also, very rarely can I go out for maybe a quiet dinner with my husband alone. But I have accepted that too and don’t take it too seriously always as I know that she is elder to me and it’s probably more difficult for her to adapt and change at her age than it is for me. I try to think positively about her always and think of her good qualities rather than what’s not so good coz everyone (including me) has good and bad qualities.
However, nowadays I feel very sad and somewhat irritated at times when she continuously hammers into my head how much she is waiting for the baby to arrive so that she will leave everything else and just be glued to the baby all day. I accept and know that she has every right on my baby and she is after all going to be a grandmother so its natural for her to be happy and excited however, her behaviour portrays as if I have no right over my baby and will have to follow whatever she decides is good for the baby. Even for small things like buying things for the baby, I have to always consult her and follow all her advice which I don’t always accept. She is also extremely superstitious and I follow her superstitions only to keep harmony in the relationship even though I don’t believe in the superstitions. I have also tried explaining to her that these are only superstitions but in vain so I have now stopped trying to change this aspect in her and just accept what she says superficially.
I realize that my baby will be very fortunate to have a grandmother who will look after and care for him/her however, I too have dreams and wishes towards my baby and would like to bring up my child as per my wishes too. I sometimes feel guilty for thinking like this because she is maybe only trying to help and her feelings are natural too. Maybe I am just thinking too much about the future and should just take one day at a time.
She’s always looking at negative aspects and how the children of today are spoilt and keeps hammering into my head how to bring up my child so that he/she doesn’t go the wrong way when in fact her sons are all SPOILT BRATS! this includes my husband who was a spoilt brat but has now changed a lot and realizes whatever he did wrong earlier.
Request your advise Deepak on this matter. I know it’s a very small thing but I’d like to know if I am wrong in my thinking & how can I change this situation for the best.