Overcoming a deep-seated resentment
I am Persian. 43 yrs ago I was sent to Vienna to study music., after winning an award among schools in Teheran-by chance. I never wanted to study music, I never-not even 5 min.- did I want to stay in Austria. I had vowed with 10/11 yrs-after reading holocaust stories in magazines-I would never in my life go to fascist German-speaking countries. After 3 years I stopped studying music and chose randomly Theatre Sciences, German Literature (in order to be able to teach something at the Teheran Univ.!?) and Philosophy.
My preference would have been Persian Lit and Sanskrit. Every moment was painful. Upon returning home, I met my future ex-husband and married quite quickly as the upcoming Mullah-regime didn’t allow friendships between unmarried people. Due to the situation and Gulf-war we were lucky to be able to leave Iran due to my connections in Austria. I tried to escape “Austria/ns” by leaving to England, Canada and a short time in the US with my beautiful, very talented son for almost 7 years. But I had to return in 1992 and live here. I started meditating 20 yrs ago, following your teachings, practicing many self help materials (Seth, Abraham, etc..) which were quite helpful. BUT I don’t seem to be able to successfully eradicate the hate and my dismay and dislike of these people. German is the language I have best command of, but I hate to listen or read even one word!
I so much desired to take the vow of ahimsa on your homepage. I’ve always suffered because of these negative feelings, especially because I’m spiritual and caring and peace-loving. And believe me, I’ve tried anything I can think of! My question: How can I get rid of these negative feelings in order to be able to live a loving, peaceful, creative and active life in service of others?
I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. Being able to contact you online is just heavenly! With my deepest respect, gratitude and love,