Sexual Confusion and Healing Abuse

I suppose you have a lot to do, but if you find just a little time to read my letter, then it would make me happy. I am 25 years old and i live in Sweden. I have been through a lot of things in my life, like sexual abuse, I have seen my father beat up my mother and I have tried through my years to protect my sister, and my brother who is younger. My mom and dad are from Kosovo, and they have a different culture than people in Sweden, so I have grown up with both sides of the cultures, bad and good ones. I managed to move from the city that my family lives in, in that why I started to live my life more. I have been living one my own for more than one year now.

I’m also Gay. I’m struggling with my self image, and I‘m trying to be honest, and someday I will come out to my family, but I’m scared. My problem is, that I don’t have any energy left, I don’t have anything to live for, it seems like that. My personal relationships isn’t good either, I recently meet this woman whom I fell in love with, for the first time in my life, and there is a big process going on in my life. The biggest one is, that I’m trying to learn more about my self. What should I do? how should I get my energy back, and how should I stop this destructive way of treating my self?