Guilt over Parents’ Passing

Last year my father was suffering from cancer. A malignant tumor had grown inside his stomach. As per the suggestion from the doctors he was operated on. But they could not take out the tumor and was eventually put on life support system. As the doctors did not see any hope of survival (he had a weak heart and could not take the operation) and I was running out of money I gave the consent to take out the life support from him and the he eventually died after two days.

Had the operation been not carried out he could have lived for another one year by chemo etc.

Now I am in a mental dilemma. On one hand I felt it was good that he did not suffer much and died peacefully. Then the next moment I feel terribly guilty that I had the life support removed. This is making my life miserable. I cannot concentrate on the daily trivial work also. My mind is always filled up with this.

This was not the end of all. My mother who was a diabetic died within two months of my father’s death. All on a sudden she suffered from multiple organ failure. Only two months back I spent a lot of money for my father’s treatment and was having no money. This made us shift my mother to a government hospital. She died there within four days. The doctor said my mother’s case was hopeless from the beginning. As these two incidents occurred nearly simultaneously I am in a terrible state of mind. I always think I am the only one to be blamed and I could not do anything for them though they were my parents who have done so much for me. Please help me Deepak. Please tell me whether I was wrong.