What do I do when half of me wants to dive into yoga and health and meditation while the other half is still clinging to the easy, normal way of living? I don’t know how to become what I know I can be when there is still something holding me in the college mindset. I’m 29, so I still like to go out with friends on the surface, but while I’m out drinking I always realize that it’s not making me happy and I never have as much fun as I thought I would. To me, it seems it’s got to be one or the other – grow up and become a serious, spiritual person or give up and stay where I am… How can I marry the two sides of myself?

Question:
I am a 37 year old man who has lived a live, like many others, of ups and downs. For some reason I feel that I am very spiritual and that the road I have been on so far was necessary for me to become who I am today. My private life is beautiful. I have a beautiful wife and two daughters and a son. They are the most important thing in my life and the most beautiful gift of life itself. In my professional career I also go through some ups every once a while but mainly my profession brings me many downs. After a few years in a company the people who I work for start to see me as a threat. It has always ended in a conflict and every time I have to find a new job. However there’s a very strong feeling inside me telling me that I should go in a different direction. I have to share my knowledge with other people who struggle with the difficulties of life. I feel I have answers they need and I am convinced that I can help them into the right direction. However I have no such education that allows me to open a practice or so. I would love to quit my job and start my own business in order to help people. However I do have a family that I need to maintain so I need to make money in order to feed them. I guess I am looking for some kind of confirmation…. for somebody to help me in the right direction. Today I was writing my thoughts on a piece of paper and have been reading in your book afterwards. I was surprised by the fact that I wrote many lines that are in your book as well… so I guess my inner voice, my soul, was telling me already and your book confirmed it. That’s the reason for writing this letter. I do hope that you get some kind of feeling reading it and that you will be able to show me the direction to the path that I need to follow.

As is the case with millions of others, I am deeply inspired by your words. Thank you for doing what you do! I am struggling with an issue for quite some time and it is a source of endless debate with my friend.

I believe in having deep relationships with other people based on love (with spouse, children, parents, friends etc). My friend argues that humans suffer a great deal when they lose their loved ones to death (e.g., in long term marriages) and that the primary reason for the suffering is due to attachment and dependency. I sense the truth in his words, but I also see great contempt for human relationships in his mind. My argument is that while human relationships are imperfect and usually weighed down by attachment, humans do open up their hearts and are able to connect to each other deeply. There is something really beautiful in this and these relationships teach us valuable lessons and allow us understand ourselves deeply. For example, when I find that I am hating someone, I am often able to trace it back to certain aspect of myself that was unexamined closely before. So I find that relationships actually help me in evolving into a better human being.

I also understand that it is ideal to transcend this individual (or selfish) love to loving all, with the help os spiritual practice. I often experience states of deep love overflowing in my heart, after deep meditation sessions.  So, is there something really wrong in human relationships? Do they need to be shunned and cast away? Do we need to be really careful and vigilant (i.e., policing) for strings of attachment and dependency developing in our hearts? In your opinion, what is the ideal way of seeing/handling human relationships? Can they help us grow?

My question is the following, I am terrified at the idea of my mother dying she is getting older and i am still very young. this gives me terrible grief and anxiety daily.  I live far away now because of school and live in constant guilt of being far from her.  Lately nothing makes anymore sense I am deeply troubled and have a hard time figuring out why exactly.

Answer:

Since you didn’t indicate your mother’s age or that she was in any way ill or near death, is suspect that this is more about your guilt in being separated from your mother rather than this being based upon an imminent event.

Talk frankly with your mother about your anxiety and guilt in being apart. Is she supportive and understanding about you being away for your education? Are you happy with the direction  toward adulthood your life is taking?  Do you wish you could still stay at home? Is that what your mother wants as well? Do you believe that a major  role in your life is to be with and look after your mother?  If  you can become conscious about your deeper wants, beliefs, and motivations, you will be able to assess what action steps you are ready to make.