My question is the following, I am terrified at the idea of my mother dying she is getting older and i am still very young. this gives me terrible grief and anxiety daily. I live far away now because of school and live in constant guilt of being far from her. Lately nothing makes anymore sense I am deeply troubled and have a hard time figuring out why exactly.
Since you didn’t indicate your mother’s age or that she was in any way ill or near death, is suspect that this is more about your guilt in being separated from your mother rather than this being based upon an imminent event.
Talk frankly with your mother about your anxiety and guilt in being apart. Is she supportive and understanding about you being away for your education? Are you happy with the direction toward adulthood your life is taking? Do you wish you could still stay at home? Is that what your mother wants as well? Do you believe that a major role in your life is to be with and look after your mother? If you can become conscious about your deeper wants, beliefs, and motivations, you will be able to assess what action steps you are ready to make.