I had a family member who was and is emotionally violent towards me.
I find it very difficult when things get very heated to NOT be emotionally violent in return.
What is the best way to break this emotional violence cycle?
I am a parent, now. I have worked very diligently in breaking the cycle.
I have never been emotionally violent towards my child. However, I just got off the phone with a customer service representative who I was, possibly, a little emotionally violent (oops!!).
Working at being harmonious, universally.

(From Germany) Your inspiring thoughts are my companions over the last 16 years, thanks a lot!

The last two years I was going on earth wishing to meet a deep, caressing love. No wonder it happened. I meet her. I feel absolutely deep in love.

My question is deeply serious, deeply touched by feelings of responsibility. Before all feelings of fall in love, loving I feel is it allow for me (54 years old) to love a young beautiful woman with a great soul, wonderful lady(36 years old), a doctor like you, who has desire for her first child.
Yes, indeed, I can´t answer it or maybe I won´t? Going the way of love all seems clear, going with thoughts of anxiety I should stop our love at once.

Would be great You give me some questions, some thoughts, some advice on my way.

I’m a little uncertain and i was wondering if you could help me out with something. I’ve endured a lot of psychological & emotional trauma as a kid and have also ended up creating a variety of different physical health issues as well…things from urinary issues, to chronic fatigue, to depression and constant anxiety and I believe a lot of this comes from the way I have thought over the years.

Over the last 5 years I have gotten myself into self-help, cognitive behavioral therapy and personal growth programs, I seem to be guided by an unseen force into things that may make me overcome my health issues. The only problem is that after awhile i start to doubt whatever it is that I’m doing and I don’t see the benefits in continuing. I want to feel healthy, I want to feel alive and passionate as well, so I guess my question is, do you have any advice when it comes to keeping myself certain that if i follow the path i’m on, I’ll achieve my goal of being healthy?

I have read so many books…many of them yours. All say that relationships are your Self reflecting back to you. I have never had a healthy relationship with a man. I had a childhood that seems to have left me feeling unlovable. Abuse and no real concern expressed for its impact upon me. I have a turbulent, very one sided relationship with my husband. I stay because I keep reading that he is only reflecting back to me my own self and convince myself that maybe he is normal and I am the one that is totally messed up inside. Other days I am convinced he is a full blown narcissist. I try to change myself but it is very difficult with him continuing to be hurtful, impossible to please, and chronically dissatisfied with me on some level. Yet, he tells me that I am actually the one who is hurtful, impossible to please and chronically dissatisfied. I have spent so much time trying to diffuse and avoid conflict with him that I no longer even know what the truth is anymore.

How do I come to terms with the idea he is only reflecting back to me the most awful parts of me? Doesn’t he have to face his own dysfunctions as well? Could it be that I am reflecting HIM back at him and feeling out of balance constantly because he brings me to that level of dissatisfaction and misery with criticism and constant focus and discussion about HIS needs and wants and upsets?

I have relatively healthy and supportive relationships with others but people are tiring of listening to my pain and frustration and my unwillingness to act decisively on my own behalf. I stay because I keep reading it is only myself reflecting back to me. Change me and the relationship with change…but so far it isn’t working. I have become very angry and otherwise numb and this is making the idea I am causing all of this all the more plausible to me.

Please help me sort out this spiritual teaching. I don’t think I am a bad person. I do my best. But the men in my life have always been awful to me. I don’t understand how these mean men, some of them physically abusive, have for my entire life been there because there is something bad in me. I self reflect, read books, try to be aware, “in the moment” – let go of the past -it does not exist, reflect on what I am grateful for and give thanks to all the abundance I do have. I don’t understand what I am doing (or not doing) to cause all of this. Thank you for any advice you can give on this.

I have a question for you that I have struggled with for the last 2 years rather intensely. I am married to a man that I have “fallen out of love with” in part because of difficulties with compatibility earlier in our marriage, over the years I met and fell in love with a Dr. I worked with. I felt a spiritual connection with him that I had never felt with another human being. His wife left him last year, and I have said all along that I would leave my husband. Strangely enough, I have not been able to do that. My husband was 36 years old when we married, never before having had a serious relationship. We will have been married 13 years in September. This is my second marriage, and I am afraid if I leave my current situation, that history will repeat itself with this Dr. He has never said that he loves me , but my intuition tells me that he does. He does not want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage, nor does he ever want to be married again. I feel that I would be happier in the long run leaving my husband, whether or not the relationship happens with this Dr. or not. However, my husband loves me so much , even though I have confessed my feelings for another man, I still love and care about his. I don’t know what to do. I have prayed for happiness for all of us. I am “content enough”, although I feel like I’m “settling” and taking the easy path by staying in my cozy, comfortable setting. I want to “live, love, and taste life. I know I will live to be 110. I’m 50 years old, and healthy, active, and am excited to get on with the next chapter in my life, but I feel stuck. What do I do? I have read 2 of you books, The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, and How to Know God. I enjoyed both books immensely. I look forward to your reply. Have a Great day!