I am the eldest of 12 children and only survivor who did not perish the Australian fires. I feel the guilt being spared from working abroad.
Despite my own problems here, being wiped out financially and facing homelessness, I realize the God I know does not care.
I find myself disgusted and truly disappointed with Him.
I tried to end my life only to awaken alive in a worse way.

Why does he take the lives of precious people who doesn’t want to die yet the ones who truly wants, he keeps alive?
As I read thru your blogs, I can’t help but notice you and your followers are the chosen favorites of a caring God .
As a last call to ease my pain, I want to know your God, your Higher Power.
I have fired and through with mine.
Show me the path to yours.

On the Ellen DeGeneres show you said that you get up at 4:00 am to meditate. I would like to become an early riser also, because the early morning is the only quiet time for meditation where I live, but also because I would like to get more done during the day. I never sleep through the night, and this has been a life-long pattern. I go to bed around 11:00 pm and usually wake up around 3:00-4:00 am for a couple of hours, then fall asleep again, waking at  8:00 or 9:00 am. If I have to get up earlier than this I feel a lot of anxiety and end up sleeping very little or not at all. I have tried many things to improve this (including doctors, meditation, hypnosis and counseling, EFT, yoga, spending time in nature, working on personal goals) but nothing has helped much. I have also tried getting up and meditating at 4:00 am, but I end up getting tired again and I have to return to bed. Our ancestors used to sleep for a few hours, then get up and return to bed, and I suspect that this ancient habit is partly related to my interrupted sleep. When I wake up, I feel groggy for a couple of hours and don’t really get going until about noon. I drink a few cups of coffee in the morning.

I am tired of living this way, and was wondering if you had any suggestions to help me adjust my pattern from that of a late riser to an early riser. Were you always an early riser, or have you been able to condition yourself in some way.? I deeply appreciate your writings, which inspire and uplift me when I am frustrated and depressed.

I sometimes think that deep within myself I have a belief that life should be a struggle, that peace, joy, comfort etc are somehow secondary to hard work, toil, and grief.

I think this comes from my father who, although brought up in a loving environment, had to go out to work when he was fifteen years old to support his mother (my grandmother) who had been widowed at a young age.

My father is now retired and is healthy and happy. I never faced any of the struggles that he did when he was young as he and my mother provided very well for me and my brothers and sisters. However, I think his strong work ethic and background instilled this (perhaps limiting) belief within me.

How can I explore this further and perhaps create a new belief in it’s place?

When I reach the state of pure being or gap while meditating – I introduce my intentions there. I try to be detached to my intentions. But sometimes , a related thought with my intentional goal pops up while I am introducing my intention. This related thought is of fear and doubt.

This related thought comes just after I have introduced the intention. It just happens that I have been in the gap, enjoyed the bliss…and when I introduce the intention, thoughts of fear and doubt surround me.
In this scenario I totally get lost. My meditation is not that good and I lose my peace.

I have enjoyed reading your books, and some similar books, and have felt comforted and reassured that if I only used my free will I could do anything. It has also been a burden of cause, when it seemed like it ‘didn’t work’, or maybe I did something ‘wrong’ or maybe I didn’t listen carefully enough. But then…of cause…i stumble across the book I Am That by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, and the work of Steven Wolensky, and I find out that there is no free will, or subjective intention. And it also seems quite logical that behind this world, behind this mind of mine, there must be something,…a witness, and who is observing the witness then, and when i get ‘out there’ there can be no I, no construction because then it is consciousness, and therefore an illusion. So the ‘master mind of nothingness’, the -0, is the creator of the illusion that I call me, and my world. ?
So in short, do you believe in the free will?