Accepting the pace of spiritual growth

It seems to me that I am not able to accept the pace of my spiritual growth. I always find myself in endless ways trying to speed up the process by learning everything at once or practicing everything at once and arriving at a point where I can accept myself fully without regrets and remorse of my inabilities. Perhaps I am not able to accept my pace, my capacity of learning… I am usually constantly finding myself trying to enhance my capacity of learning and being impatient about it…. I always beat myself up for believing to be able to do a better job of learning that i am not doing…. what can I do to resolve this situation?

Apologizing to a Friend

I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and have been trying to heal myself ever since. I am a healthy looking 27 year old but with serious issues in managing relationships. Only a couple of my very close friends know about my past. Over the years I have been trying to accept what happened to me and move on. I have many friends who have helped me a lot to move away from my painful situation without knowing my past. I love spending time with my family and friends, and have become quite balanced.

I have always given a lot of importance to what I think and have always viewed every situation emotionally. The idea was to give myself the caress that I have always been looking for. But now I have become a person who thinks she is always right as she has been through the difficult times and I try to justify all my actions even if it hurts few people. I expect everyone to handle their problems the way I do – by expressing myself openly to my friends or by actions.

But recently I have been proven wrong. A very close friend of mine has had a difficult life because his mother is very possessive about him and has been living a life in suffocation. But he has accepted the situation and found his solace in his writings and music. He does not express himself openly and has very few friends. I am very disturbed with his situation. He did consider me as a friend who understands him very well (though he is not aware of my own problematic childhood). I have been trying to tell him that he needs to express himself openly to his friends in order to heal himself.

But he says that he does express himself, but through his writings and his music. I argued with him about this saying he should not limit himself to these inanimate things and find solution to his problems by expressing himself to his friends. But he got angry and upset saying that he is happy with his life now and that I did not understand him at all. He is not willing to talk to me now. I have hurt him and
I would never want to hurt him. What should I do? I am not sure if he will accept my apology and it would be very difficult explaining to him, why I always think that everyone should handle problems my way. Now I very well understand that every person deploys his own method to manage problems, but how do I explain that to him without letting my problem known to him. Please help me.

Interpreting Synchronicity in Relationships

Good afternoon, I would like to tell you a brief about something that is happening to me in this moment, but first, I want to apologize about m y English because my native language is Spanish, I come from Venezuela.
I am 37 years old, divorced, and a beautiful girl. Since I have divorced I have never been married again, but I would like to… I´ve been trying to find a partner but until now I don´t have… In July, I registered on an internet page to find a man. I met some men, but I met one that I have had communication with him until now. We have been chatting about 6 month and using a web cam. He is from France, we have a lot of common things, our thoughts are the same, when he feels something I feel the same. In fact, one day he was sick, and I was sick too. The other day he sent me a picture and I realized that he was dressing in the same color shirt as mine. Another day he could not sleep, like me! We have the same dreams, and so on, and some many coincidences.

We are planning to see to each other to find out if we are falling in love. I would like to know if he is my soul mate, why there are a lot of coincidences between us? Since I met him, all I read is about France, whenever a go I see or read  something about France, is there a coincidence or not?

Reprogramming Yourself after Deprogramming

I am currently reading ‘The Way of The Wizard’ and find it to be a most remarkable work. Upon reading the section on bodies, I decided to investigate the various bodies I have (emotional, mental and causal). I was surprised with the level of accumulation, the disorder and conflict that resided in these as I addressed them in relation to various aspects of my life (relationships, money, religious views etc). In the evening I was utterly exhausted as fatigue was clearly being released.

My question is, what do I do next? This activity forms part of a process of inquiry in which I have arisen from a lengthy ‘dark night’ so it is not as if anything new is being brought to light. It is just the depth of the rabbit hole that surprises me and I wish to continue peeling away these layers. I do meditate regularly also and have begun to intimate my true self with more clarity and regularity.

But, returning to the exercise, is it necessary to programme order into these bodies? Do I need to select new beliefs to replace these conflicting and  somewhat chaotic ones? If so, how do I know if I am choosing the right ones?

There is something not quite right about doing this, it seems somewhat artificial- reminiscent of being caught in the trap of the ego seeking enlightenment. I am curious if this desire for ‘new beliefs’ is just a manifestation of my frightened ego as I move into the unknown? Yet, if I do not have these then what?

Any assistance and light you can shed on this is deeply appreciated.

What to do after you’ve done everything

I’m a 35 year old woman who was briefly married to someone who was both physically and mentally abusive. I also grew up in an abusive home where there were interventions by police and child services, but no real help given to me.  My years before age 18 were a nightmare.  Since 18 and especially since my divorce, I’ve had extensive counseling and made good progress. I’m considered attractive and make a good salary as a professional but I’m finding it very hard to meet someone despite trying singles’ events, online dating, etc. I have been trying to stay positive that I will meet someone and have the children I’ve dreamed of, but sometimes I feel sheer grief at being alone at my age, having spent most of my life since 18, alone.  I also feel panic at the thought that my window of opportunity to have children is slowly but surely closing. My biological clock is ticking loudly.  I do affirmations every day but feelings of grief and fear still hit me during the week.  I feel like I’ve been “left behind.” What can I do to attract a positive, healthy relationship? It often feels like life has been unfairly cruel to me. I’m really struggling with this.
Part 2
I just sent you an email but wanted to mention everything I’ve been trying for the past 3 years to help my situation:  regular meditation during the week, affirmations, visualization, energy healing, hypnotherapy, journaling, reading your books and other spiritual/self-help books on a regular basis, and praying every day. I do yoga about once a week and try to spend time in nature. I also exercise 4-5 times a week and I’m always out and about visiting friends, going to social events, etc.
Nothing has helped me in my search for a life partner.  I even tried doing nothing for almost a year, (letting go) and… nothing happened.  Even more discouraging, I have no children and my marriage was short, yet I have friends who left long-term marriages with kids and they’ve found serious relationships while I’m still alone.  Is this an energy block? What can I do? People tell me I’m a beautiful, amazing person but I still can’t find a life partner. It makes no sense to me