I feel as though I have commenced my own spiritual journey, probably in earnest since the beginning of this year (though in reality for probably for a few years I suspect).

I have adopted a regular meditation practice which I thoroughly enjoy and have definitely felt calmer, more settled and peaceful in daily life though not necessarily more joyous.

Having also read quite extensively (mostly your books) I try to be more mindful and aware throughout the day.

My question is as I attempt to live my life with ever present witnessing awareness I am finding it difficult to reconcile my alertness to negative egoic traits and dissociating from them and living life happily and joyously. Instead I find myself pursuing calm and silence which I seem to attain but I don’t seem to have replaced worrisome/compulsive thoughts with joy and happiness as such.

Am I going wrong here? Taking the process too seriously? Or is this simply part of the process of a spiritual awakening. it’s certainly true that emotional shifts are taking place because I sometimes find myself welling up, almost crying but in a kind of joyful way.

Since my childhood, I had a faith that if anyone does something wrongful act, he/she must be forced to realize that they had done something wrong because, if they are not made to realize, they will surely commit that wrongful act again. For that, either they must be punished or they must apologize their mistake. Therefore, whenever someone does a wrong to me, I try that they must realize their mistake. Due to it I am left with only few friends. My relations with my parents are worst because they many times lie to me & don’t understand my feelings. I want a honest relation with everyone based on truth. In other words, I believe that as anyone behaves with me I must also behave with him/her in the same way. Please help. THANK YOU.