I feel as though I have commenced my own spiritual journey, probably in earnest since the beginning of this year (though in reality for probably for a few years I suspect).
I have adopted a regular meditation practice which I thoroughly enjoy and have definitely felt calmer, more settled and peaceful in daily life though not necessarily more joyous.
Having also read quite extensively (mostly your books) I try to be more mindful and aware throughout the day.
My question is as I attempt to live my life with ever present witnessing awareness I am finding it difficult to reconcile my alertness to negative egoic traits and dissociating from them and living life happily and joyously. Instead I find myself pursuing calm and silence which I seem to attain but I don’t seem to have replaced worrisome/compulsive thoughts with joy and happiness as such.
Am I going wrong here? Taking the process too seriously? Or is this simply part of the process of a spiritual awakening. it’s certainly true that emotional shifts are taking place because I sometimes find myself welling up, almost crying but in a kind of joyful way.