Sexual Confusion and Healing Abuse

I suppose you have a lot to do, but if you find just a little time to read my letter, then it would make me happy. I am 25 years old and i live in Sweden. I have been through a lot of things in my life, like sexual abuse, I have seen my father beat up my mother and I have tried through my years to protect my sister, and my brother who is younger. My mom and dad are from Kosovo, and they have a different culture than people in Sweden, so I have grown up with both sides of the cultures, bad and good ones. I managed to move from the city that my family lives in, in that why I started to live my life more. I have been living one my own for more than one year now.

I’m also Gay. I’m struggling with my self image, and I‘m trying to be honest, and someday I will come out to my family, but I’m scared. My problem is, that I don’t have any energy left, I don’t have anything to live for, it seems like that. My personal relationships isn’t good either, I recently meet this woman whom I fell in love with, for the first time in my life, and there is a big process going on in my life. The biggest one is, that I’m trying to learn more about my self. What should I do? how should I get my energy back, and how should I stop this destructive way of treating my self?

Eruption of the Shadow Self

Although I am a fairly young man (25) I have reached the Atonement and have completely given my life to love. My purpose is love, and true happiness for me is experiencing it in others. I have completely changed

my perception from form to “I am not a body, I am free”, and I am able to experience what my senses cannot. Having said that my question to you is; if I am experiencing Heaven through out my daily life, than why when I sleep all I experience is fear and guilt. Nightly dreams of irrational behavior, distrust, destruction and things I wouldn’t ever do such as murder. How can I correct my destructive dreams.

Learning to Heal

I have noticed for some time that I seem to be involved in a situation that allows me to access healing for others.  I believe I was first awakened to this possibility by healing myself several years ago. Usually, someone will tell me about an ailment they are suffering from, and I will silently introduce the intention that they will be freed from this ailment. I might reintroduce this intention during meditation, or before sleeping at night. Usually, I will notice that I develop a very mild symptom of that person’s ailment, but then we are both usually freed from whatever it is.  This is usually completely effortless on my part. I had an unusual experience with my daughter, though. She was rather ill, and in order to determine exactly what was wrong with her, she had to have blood drawn. The technicians were unable to draw any blood, and after the 4th

technician began his final attempt, I focused all my energy not only on his success, but on her health.  The technician was able to draw the blood, and when the results were read the next day, she was perfectly normal. Within a number of days, she was in better health than she had been for some time. I, however, began to have very sharp, rhythmic pains that lasted for several hours and was completely exhausted for about 2 days. What happened? As I write this to you, I even feel echoes of this experience in my body.