I am a 24-year-old woman born and raised in Sweden, never felt I belong there so I left for New York when I was 19 to study photography. Since then I have traveled and lived in places like Ethiopia, Peru, Sri Lanka, Brazil and Ghana. With the motivation to pursue various photography projects but also trying to find a place where I felt like I belonged.

The last four years of my life I have felt this reoccurring state of apathy. I don’t feel happy nor severely sad, I don’t really get that attached to people nor places. I also feel this impacting my photography even though I am able to produce an image with certain sensitivity, I can feel it going through me but it doesn’t stay with me. This is really stopping me in going further with my career because I don’t know what direction to take because I don’t go to deeply into subjects even though I yearn for it.
Sometimes I feel like a dead person, it’s almost like a part of me doesn’t want to be here. I have few friends that I love a lot but I kind of avoid people in general. It might seam arrogant but I don’t feel like I get that much out people and I have a tendency to brush people of as boring and plain. I know it sounds horrible but that just the way I feel. I have never been in love and I am wondering if I might to arrogant for it. I will say though when I am interested in someone or something I become borderline obsessive. Everything becomes about that one thing or that one person but that is a state I haven’t been in for a while because I realized it’s not that healthy, but I do miss the high of it.

I also feel it affecting my body, even though I exercise allot my energy is very low, I have trouble sleeping and when I wake up I don’t feel rested. At the moment I very frustrated because I don’t know what direction to take. The best way I can explain it is like you want to run in the race like everyone else but everything is dark and I cant see the road in front of me, and I am just sitting there waiting and waiting for light so I can see the road.

What scares me the most is myself and my reactions. I have a habit to isolate myself and to go so deeply into myself that I cant find my way out again. I have to push myself to leave house sometimes.

I want to feel connected, alive and joy. And I guess my question is if you have some advice how to achieve that

I’ve been working on a new spiritual path for the past 8 months or so. I been under a ton of stress the past year and working with your books and CDs along with your friend Wayne Dyer, has put me on a new life path that seems so promising! However, I feel as if my soul bounces back and forth between levels of consciousness at a dizzying pace. I will feel great for a week,

and then one sharp criticism, or less than stellar performance sends me into a downward spiral. I’m able to work myself back up after a few days, but I always seem to fall back. I do my best to practice the 7 spiritual laws of success and to realize the oneness of the Universe, and that helps me until the next devastating experience. I don’t know if I’m growing or just fooling myself. I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar, but I’ve done my best to heal my mind with meditation and other things, however it brings me into myself, which would be appropriate for some, but as an actor and performance artist I am taught to always have my attention on “the other” and to be as reactionary as possible.

I don’t know if I should give up the theatre (which is my heart’s deepest desire) and resign myself to treating my soul and disorder or if I should continue in this cycle and just work and pray that I will get better

What do you thing of doing ‘affirmations’ to manifest the ‘things’ one wants in his/her life.

J. Krishnamurti taught that the thinker and the thought are the same but you seem to stress that you are not your thoughts can you expand on this seemingly disagreement?

I would like to ask your advice on how to raise a boy (4) who comes from a family of hot tempered and impatient people. He emulates everything he sees and is easily distracted. However he is a quick learner! My concern is…he is already being a bully towards his mum and grandmother and has a bad temper. A lot of his behaviour is his environment at home I know this. I realise that raising a child is not only nature but how we nurture them but then how can I teach an “old dog new tricks?” with my family including me? I would like for him to approach life with peace and calm….