I had lent a friend a large amount of money ($20,000) she desperately needed.

She did not come thru with paying me back as promised. Long story short, fast forward, after all the proper legal procedures, I ended up with just 10% of total sum.

What  devastates me even more is I thought I was being kind and helpful (we are both Christian faith) but in the end, turned out to be a victim. The damage done is more than monetary as  she managed to take away what so ever trust i have with humans, an issue she is familiar with me  because we’ve been friends for long time and she works as a counsellor for human resources here in town.

I write to you because I would like to know how one deals with financial loss in a spiritual perspective? I choose not to live in this state anymore as it affects my mind and my health, yet I do not know how.  I hope you can help me to finally let it go.

Most of my life I have been disassociated from people. It is effortless for me to unknowingly alienate friends, associates and family.  Sometimes I feel like I am on a path of self-destruction although I would not consciously hurt myself, I don’t let myself grow either. I have the tools; knowledge, guidance and love, to heal but I don’t use them.   As my children and I age, I find myself seeking friendships but strangely enough when I found a friend she lost her job and moved away. We are still in touch through email, but I really want a friend. My husband and I have achieved a moderately warm relationship after 22 years but we are both a little reserved. He has his own issues, although he’s a wonderful person, father and teacher.  What do I have to let go of in order to let myself heal and have friends?  A year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD which may explain my painful experience with lifelong associates. (Everyone criticizes me all the time, except my one cyber-friend of three years).

Do you believe a law enforcement officer can take and keep the vow of non violence successfully? I completely agree there are individuals who have no business in the LEO profession. We are all human and have flaws no matter what profession. I felt this calling for a very long time, and I have put this career choice aside for a long time. With out getting into a long drawn out history of failures at a art career, lets just say I feel the universe has been telling me something. “Making a living as artist isn’t gonna happen.”

Early this year I have made the choice to pursue a LEO career. I’m very close to succeeding. Part of the reason why I’ve waited so long before making this choice was I did not want to be motivated by dark purposes. I do intend to restrict, stop those whom wish to express them selves in way that will cause pain and suffering to another. Especially the innocent. NO one has any right to freely express them selves by acting out physical violence on another person, or animal. When ones own shadow emerges to inflict harm another, checks and balances must be in place. Otherwise the shadow grows and this has been demonstrated over over again since man walked the earth up to today. (i.e. Holocaust, Rwanda, Serbia & Darfur to a large scale) I fully realize I will never be able to stop the pain and suffering of everyone on my own. But I hope to be of service to make a positive difference in a least s few peoples lives. A victim of a brutal crime often leaves a residue of hurt that often is passed from the perpetrator to the victim, then the victim some times becomes the perpetrator. As with a child of sexual abuse. It also trends that way on the cultures of society. Yes there is truth that eye for eye, and violence begets violence have proven to continue the cycles war, hate, and suffering. But becoming extreme pacifist has never proven to rid the world of war, aggression, or hate. or VIOLENCE. Never. Look as recently as Tibet a few months ago. I do want peace, but I can’t passively let violence have it’s way on the innocent, and for those who want peace.

I have some questions on the vow. First, has to do with the mind. What if one has an angry thought, is that violence. Or, if one were to think only for a moment a thought of harm in anger. Then, has the vow been broken?
Second, if one likes to play video games. Lets say something like gears of war. The game depicts violence, obviously, with a title like gears of war. Does, this violate the vow. It is not say violence with emotion or malicious intent but does that violate the vow?

Basically, if one takes the vow then one cannot get angry because that may lead to a violation of the vow, in thought, and unfortunately, but this may often be the case, one may have to give up some things.

It is always a pleasure to hear you speak and I am especially happy to hear you speak on the ” I am ” meditation. I read a book that was on a suggested list at the end of one of your books. It was called ” I am ” and was written by a man who seemingly had an awareness beyond most. His teacher told him when he began to just meditate on ” I am ” . I am not sure how to spell his name , but here I will try..Sri Prammanasudh. I hope this rings a bell and jogs your memory. I believe it was an inspirational book for you as well and if memory serves me correctly you had the opportunity to meet this gentleman.
Anyways, to make my point I will cut to the chase. I am a member of the 12 step program for drug addiction and I am a survivor of sexual abuse. Within the Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous programs we refer to our selves as addicts and alcoholics. When we introduce ourselves we say ” I am an addict and my name is…” . I have had a thought since I adopted this meditation of ” I am ” when I introduce myself at meetings. I would like to just say ” I am” , but that does not fit within the program. I feel that by saying I am an addict, it will always be so. If I say ” I am ” I am not being entirely truthful at meetings. How can I get around feeling like I am making my own reality by saying it over and over? Within the Big Book of AA it does say that “we can recover”. Not that we are recovering for the rest of our lives. I feel my recovery is based upon my spiritual maintenance now and my higher power has removed my obsession to use. That is a gift I am most grateful for as I know that addiction leads to 3 places, death, jails and institutions. Having this death sentence removed is a miracle only God could give me. I guess my question is … ” How can I carry this philosophy of ” I am ” with me at all times, including 12 step meetings?” I trust the Big Book of Alcoholics completely as it has been proven to work millions of times over as long as you have a connection with a power greater than yourself. Higher power, God, God consciousness or even just Mother Nature. I have seen people keep their sobriety just believing in the group. Group of Drunks, or G.O.D. , for short. It is funny but it works for some. Am I hurting my quest to pure awareness and complete consciousness by stating ” an addict ” after ‘ I am “? Is it o.k. to just practice the feeling of ” I am ” in meditation only and the rest of reality doesn’t necessarily need that feeling. I am confused because Sri Prammanasudh was able to reach ‘enlightenment’ or a higher state of awareness than most by being ” I am “, always. Please let me know how you feel as I have always been helped by your awareness and I have read much of your books. You have been a guide , in the form of an author, for me for quite some time and I owe you a debt of gratitude for the information and paths you have shared with the world. I have been able to understand intellectually and I am learning to experience everyday. It is through experience that I learn the most. You don’t really know a lemon until you taste it, right?