I have recently, Nov 15-08 to be exact, had enlightenment bestowed on me. It was an explosive experience, I felt timelessness, shapelessness, my DNA activate, pure love, peace and joy – An incredible experience that brought me to my knees in tears. I truly had no idea of what it’s all about.

This experience was not premeditated, that is – I was not working towards enlightenment – in fact, I was unaware that any such thing existed. I have changed my life almost entirely, but I feel more lost now than ever. I feel like I can’t find my path I can’t change my perspective to not just ‘survive’ but to ‘live’.

Deep in my soul / heart I know I am on the wrong path – I also know that I’m looking for the right path with a narrow mind..
Any suggestions on how to broaden my horizons and see the messages being offered from the universe as to the path that will truly make me live / fulfill my purpose?

I am 43, female American, Hispanic, raised in a Catholic family. Since early childhood, I’ve had doubts in the teachings of the Church. At 10, I felt that the Sister teaching catechism class was “lying” to me, expecting the children to believe the bible stories she taught as if they were true. As a teenager, I attended the churches of my friends, seeking words that would make some sense to me and found none. I feel guilty that, in my heart, I am not a Christian. I find the symbols of Christianity morbid: the cross, blood and wounds, the Mother’s pain, and a dark vengeful God who metes out cruel punishments. And so I have not attended church in years, and I rarely discuss religion with others. Most religious people get desperately defensive if questions are raised about their beliefs.

I do believe in a personal connection to God, a bigger, more basic, and more nebulous God than Christ. I’ve taught my children a scientific, stripped-down God who is a part of the mechanism and also the machine itself. And yet I feel lonely and adrift, without a group of others who feel as I do. And, I owe my children more than admissions of doubt, they deserve a fellowship with those who can put them on the path. Where is the religion of serious, intelligent discussion on the nature of our existence and the bond between God and ourselves? Do I have to have a “go-between”, as Christianity teaches, or can I open directly to God? What would I call myself, if not Christian?

My question is about love. I have been in a relationship for five years, he is my first boyfriend. It’s not been an easy relationship, my partner at times has been cold and ignored me. I’ve resisted him and been unhappy. I now realise I am scared at the thought of falling in love, I choose to be with him because I was scared to be alone and wanted security, he has admitted to me that he resisted loving me in case he got hurt as he had in his previous relationship.
However I have been developing spiritually and in the last few years have grown more loving and joyful about life. My boyfriend has been unhappy and hidden himself away, we grew apart and it reached the stage where I decided to end the relationship, I want to explore life and gain more experience with love and sex.

That was my plan anyway. However upon confessing all this to my boyfriend, it was like a massive bubble between us burst. Almost overnight he changed, suddenly he said he realised he loved me, that he loved my soul and was sorry for all the years of distance between us. I now realise that he is a wonderful person, he has wisdom and grace I never imagined. He has also gotten professional help for his problems and is much happier with himself and excited about life. He wants me to stay with him, I know now I love him, but I’m not in love with him (I’m not even sure what in (“in love” means). He says he will wait for me. I feel so sad, I want to be in love with him, the honesty and trust between us now at the end of our relationship is beautiful. He says he will accept any decision I make and will always love me. Can you choose to fall in love with someone? I feel in myself disconnected sexually and emotionally, my parents had a terrible marriage and I swore from a young age I would avoid all that pain, I feel distant from him still, but I want to invite him into my life, I want to share myself with him, to watch him grow. But I can’t force it . I also feel very inexperienced and confused. I have your book, the path to love and wonder if I’m one of those people who will never experience being in love with another person, that I’m too closed off. I should add I am twenty-nine years old and have meditated on and off for ten years, I have experienced unconditional love and bliss during meditation, and can be very loving in other relationships, but when it comes to him, I feel blocked, sexually we have connected on and off, but often during intimate moments I feel fearful and anxious, unable to switch off. I haven’t been with anyone else but I have a feeling that is how I am.

What do you recommend? It’s the area of my life that fills me with the most fear, it’s the one I have to heal.
Can you help me?

I am so overwhelmed with spiritual growing.  I have no formal religious background.  Where do I start?  I believe in a spiritual entity.  And that we are all connected.  I believe there was a man named Jesus that walked the face of the earth and was given information from god.  I do not worship Jesus like Christians religions.  I do not believe in an entity called the devil.  I do not believe my Great Spirit would create such a thing.

Your book on Love makes many references to the love relationships of male/female couples. I am half way through the book and I have yet to see the principles of the book applied to same gender couples.  Is there a difference? Or perhaps it is your belief that same gender couples cannot be in a state of loving relationships.