The Ugly Side of Love

(From Italy) These last two years I tried to know myself, love myself and hoping to understand that if I don’t love myself nobody can do. I tried to practice the path of love and truth and understanding. Everything was ok until I fell in love. After the first part, romance, paradise etc, things went wrong, he vanished literally, then I became the worst person I ever met. I cheated, lied to friends, cared for nobody else but my feelings for him. I lied to him too just to stay with him. Am I a person who lies, who can kick friends just to have what she wants? How can all my work on my ethic disappear in two months for something like love? I felt despise for my behaviour but I still did it. But I also discovered I’m not the good girl I thought to be, maybe I don’t deserve love till I don’t change. I’m not only confused I don’t know from where to begin.